Oh.My.Goodness...

I just realised that my last blog post was in August 2011. I'm such a slacker. >.< New posts to come soon. Real soon, hopefully. :)

A Tale of 1 Cheerio 'O'

Note: I wrote this a few months ago, probably in June or something. It is one of the many unfinished blogs under my draft folder. I think it's high time it makes its appearance. =)

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My colleague and I usually have cereal for breakfast at the office and it so happens that in the middle of this year, we were both of Multigrain-Cheerios. This is what I wrote to her on SMS one evening:

"I was doing my routine exercise of going under my table to turn off the power switch for my laptop when i discovered something peculiar... There is was, a single Cheerio 'O' lying under the thin space of our desk partition, waiting, longing and yearning to have someone notice its existence. The poor 'O' had most likely lost its way from its box while heading towards being savoured by its owner. There is no certainty as to whether it was your 'O' or mine, as it was lying smack right in the middle of our shared partition. The mystery remains...

Subsequent to the discovery, I did what any wise and responsible person would have done: I lifted the 'O' from under the partition... and dropped it into my dustbin, took my belongings and went on my way. Such is the fate of a stray Cheerio 'O' in Bayan Lepas."

Totally random, I know.. But my colleague, who didn't exactly have a great day on that very day I sent the SMS, laughed her head off.

Mission accomplished. =)

Heck It, Just Write La..

Okay, so I've not been as consistent as I would like to be in blogging. I've not had a blog entry since September last year. Not that it really matters since no one actually reads this blog anyway (I am partially to be blamed because I refuse to promote it) but I am making it a point to write/ blog more consistently from now on.

I admit, I have been busy and lazy for that matter and at most times, uninspired to write, I guess. My sense of perfectionism has also contributed much to my long blog silence as I usually refrain from publishing anything that I feel is not good enough for public consumption. Not that perfectionism is not good but I realised that it is this very perfectionism that has in some ways kept me from doing anything at all because nothing is ever 'good enough'.

But I have decided to that it is really OK if my blog entry isn't perfect. What matters more is for me to be able to express my thoughts. Simply put, it's better for me to have at least tried to blog and express my thoughts and feelings than not do anything at all. So yeah, as I had mentioned earlier on, I am gonna try and write as much as I can.

That's all for now. Tune in for more soon blog updates soon!

God is More than Enough...

I read Jaeson Ma's blog this afternoon and found this entry that he wrote about 3 weeks ago. It kinda summed up some of the things that I was feeling this past weekend and I was really encouraged by it. I am thankful and amazed at how God has used Jaeson Ma's testimony and articles to inspire me this year. Am sharing this in hope that you guys will be encouraged and inspired too. God bless.

Yinz

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Wrestling Through...

Life isn’t always fair. Seldom does life turn out the way we hope it does. When we are young we have ideals and dreams. We believe anything is possible and the world is our frontier to conquer. As we get older, many of our hopes get dashed, our dreams become forgotten and our expectations are shattered. We can’t predict exactly how life will turn out, not for ourselves or anyone else.

Many people I know are frustrated, discouraged, depressed, hurt or bitter at life. When things in life don’t turn out the way we want them to, it’s easy to get upset and lose trust in ourselves and other people. I’ll be honest, through the years although I’ve had many ups, equally I’ve had just as many downs. I’ve had major disappointments in my relationships, my family, my pursuits and dreams, but what do you make of it all?

This past weekend I decided to take a day out and just “drive”. I have the luxury of being able to live around the most beautiful beaches in the world here in Los Angeles California. I decided I would go and take a Saturday to just drive towards Malibu where there is a 27 mile stretch of gorgeous beaches and coastlands. I wanted to just get a way, get alone with God, pray and spend some time thinking about things I normally don’t get to think about.

Normally, I’m so busy doing projects, meeting with other people, or helping other people that I hardly get any time to think about things that are important to me. We tend to push things that are important to us, or things that are too hurtful to think about, or issues we don’t want to confront deep down into our subconscious. We sort of just keep going and going in life when these issues are just too hard to understand or to deal with.

Well, this weekend I was able to get away and “confront the issues” that have been on my heart. I was going to wrestle with them myself and with God. I ended up finding a random beach café on the coastal highway. I was hoping that somehow God would lead me to a quite destination, some secluded beach where I could walk and talk with God. When I felt this strong leading to make this turn into this small entrance to this beach café, it turned out to be the most beautiful and perfect spot! It was a beach cove, with a secluded and quite beach and I could walk for miles on my own with time to myself.

I ended up spending the day walking the beaches, and pouring out my heart to God. I kept telling him all the different things that I wanted, I desired, things that made me disappointed, personal struggles, people who hurt me, and dreams that were dashed. I also shared with Him my hopes, my plans and my deepest wants that not anyone knows of… it was great to just get it out. We need to do that sometimes, just let go and let God take our burdens, we may not find the answers but just knowing that He hears and that He cares is enough.

When I started my walk on the beach my heart was heavy, burdened and weighed down. I didn’t even really know why, but past issues, pains, and hurts just began to surface. I wept, I laughed, I cried, I screamed, I sang, I was still before God and in the end I knew He heard me.

I came to my own peace with God and myself. If I never saw the desires of my heart fulfilled, if I never got those things in life that I really wanted, if things never did turn out the way I would like to have planned, if my hopes and dreams were never realized, I would be okay. Not because I want to be defeated, but because indeed just knowing God, and having a relationship with Him was more than enough. I only asked God for one thing, “Wash me clean of my sins and keep me faithful to the end!” When I die, I only ask that I die with one thing in my heart and that is… integrity.

God bless,
Jaeson Ma

Adapted from www.jaesonma.com (26 August 2010 entry for East Week Magazine HK)

Random Thoughts on Love

I just got back yesterday after 4 days and 3 nights in KL. I will at some point blog about the trip [at some point :)] but just had a random thought after those 3 nights:

- The greatest commandment is to love God and to love others as ourselves. As we have been shown grace, mercy and love by our God, we should also show grace, mercy and love to others in the likeness of our God.
- Worship is our response to God's love. As we are all different, there will therefore be many different expressions of worship to God. We need to learn to accept one another in our differences and strive for love and unity in diversity rather than merely conformity or uniformity.
- Transformation into God's likeness is from within, not from without. Just because people do not look Christian from the outside does not mean they are not true believers and followers.

Lord, Your love be the ultimate example of how I am to love. I want to love You with all that I am and I want to love others like You do. Fill me with more of Your grace and love that I may be able to love other with Your love. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Forwarded Encouragements: You say, GOD says...

I was clearing out my draft blogs and found this. I don't remember the source but I hope it will inspire you anyways. ;)

You say: "It ' s impossible" God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)
You say: "I ' m too tired" God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: "Nobody really loves me" God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 3:34 )
You say: "I can't go on" God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
You say: "I can't figure things out" God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)
You say: "I can't do it" God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)
You say: "I ' m not able" God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)
You say: "It's not worth it" God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28 )
You say: "I can't forgive myself" God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: "I can't manage" God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)
You say: "I'm afraid" God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)
You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated" God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)
You say: "I'm not smart enough" God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)
You say: "I feel all alone" God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

1 Corinthians 7: To Be Married, to Be Single...

I decided to blog about this touchy subject after encountering the following scenarios within the past 20 days:

1. At my cousin's wedding, my aunt asked me when will she get to attend my wedding dinner.. Okay..
2. While chatting to a homeless lady, she asked how old I was and said I should get married before I get along in years... that was pretty random...
3. While fetching one of the teenagers home after Youth Meeting, he asked how old I was and why I am not getting married yet... *sweat*

Three occasions within less than a month... I guess it is the perfect time to write on this subject matter.

I am obviously still single at this point and frankly and seriously, it ain't all that bad. I have to admit that for most part of my young adulthood, I idolized the whole idea of marriage. I had my personal grand plans about marriage: I wanted to be swept off my feet by the man of my dreams and be in a relationship and get married, latest by 28 and have my first child before I turn 30. Well, I have obviously by-passed my personal 'optimum' age for marriage and will also reach the big three zero in less than 4 months so yeah, my so-called grand plans have been shelved, or I guess been thrown out of the window. ;)

But as always, God has His wonderful plans and thanks be to Him for His amazing and abundant grace unto our lives. For a long time, I have always wondered why I am not 'wanted', but in the past couple of months, I am beginning to see more and more from another perspective, that it is really okay to be single. After years of struggle, I have finally experienced a breakthrough, all by His grace. I am thankful to God for GoodTV's interview of Pastor Jaeson Ma. I kinda 'accidentally' watched the interview, thinking that it was about Vanness Wu but I believe it was the best 'mistake' I have ever made in my life. The interview wasn't about Vanness Wu but on Jaeson Ma's testimony and I believe God used that interview to speak into my life. I was heavily impacted and encouraged through that message to commit to give my best to God all the days of my life and to trust Him as the real Author and Perfector of my faith and my life. A few days after that interview, I went for church camp and there, I was also touched by the Lord. Within less than a month, I received a long-awaited breakthrough, having failed for years trying by my own strength, and it was all due to His grace and strength.

I know and acknowledge that life is not a bed of roses and there will be days in which I would feel the 'pinch' of wanting a relationship but I do know that I want to desire more of God and I want to depend on His love to satisfy me more than anything else in this world. While I do still wonder whether I am meant for marriage, I do also know that all things are in His plans and whatever His plans may be, the blessed assurance that I have is that His plans are always perfect because He knows best and whether single or married, I will always have His love. As aptly stated by Eugene Peterson in his Message translation of 1 Corinthians 7:17:

...don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.

In a nutshell, I am very open to the idea of marriage and I want to give my best to my future husband and our children but one thing's for sure: I do not want to idolize marriage anymore. I want to desire more of Jesus than a life partner. Whether or not I get married, God's will is for each of us to be prepared as the bride of Christ for the coming of the Bridegroom. Rather than to spend the time worrying about when I will meet the guy, I know I should spend more time and effort in preparing myself and the church for Jesus' coming again. So my conviction is that right here, right now, there is a purpose for me to be single in this season. My life is not defined by my marital status. However long God wants me to serve and honor Him as a single, by His grace, I will serve Him with all I am and as best as I can in every way. And I know that His grace is sufficient for all of us. ;)

P/s: Btw, if you are interested to know, I told the homeless lady that it is okay if I get married or don't get married and I told the teenager that it's okay cos I am in God's will and purpose. But I guess my favourite was my reply to my aunt (and honestly, without any malice intended): "You wait lah."